Subhajit

Not that I am complaining, but seeking some time with the people I know is the only take away I look forward to. When I seek time, I seek happiness, nothing more or nothing less. Being an introvert till date, I have to fight my fears for public speaking which I have to do regularly. I also find it very difficult to say 'no' to someone. I feel equally arduous to start a conversation even though my profession requires me to ask questions to people I have never met as if I have a right to know everything about them. But those who know me closely, often complain that I speak too much, sometimes without allowing them to complete their stories. I change into an extreme extrovert from in no time at all. Anomaly, isn't it?  I have never breached the privacy of anyone while seeking some time from them. Friends are an integral part of my life and I devote quite sometime for them. In the growing up years, my family was not quite in favor of the time my friends used to consume fro...

Emotionally, I am not that strong. I do not claim to be as well. But just when I do not want a particular phase of my life to turn emotional, it does. Then what! Complete screw up (I'm refraining from using extreme words here). Men and the theory of them not breaking down, they being super strong while getting emotionally trapped is all but myths. I am not only referring to me here, but discovered many such folks around who sulk alone while boasting of big things in public. In my research, it is the men who are most alone, they are the ones who need a company more than their female counterparts contrary to the common perception. Then why this facade in the outside? Life is how you define it. But then it also has its own tricks up its sleeves. You better be prepared for it. I never was and when I realised it, I realised it tough way. I struggled to meet people, I started searching for companions, I felt alone than ever before. Nostalgia is what I live in, but this sort of melanch...

When it rains, it does not decide where to go. It does not belong to anyone, yet it is for everyone. Sometimes the sheer noise of the raindrops make you go blank. All you hear is that sound. Nothing distracts you, you start concentrating amidst the noise. These are facts of nature we must understand, for they don’t come with sponsored posts on social networks. The number of events, people and situations around us are enough to divert our attention, or are they? The truth, if we start exploring, will come out simple: if we like what we are doing, nothing can distract us. I never realized the umpteen number of times my father told me the same thing; assuming that how in the world it is possible to concentrate with Tendulkar playing those signature straight drives, Mom cooking those delicious fries, Mr. Vajpayee giving those speeches, those landline ringing during those odd-hours, friends calling for evening Cricket match with the life on stake. With each year, I realized how critic...

I borrow the title from my favourite Indian English writer - R.K. Narayan. And apart from just the date-specifics, you might end up finding these pieces as mindless and senseless too. But just like the blog's inception, the writing shall continue. The rain has lashed Mumbai quite on time, unlike last year. And so many similar events took place: buildings collapsed, water clogged, trains got cancelled, people stranded and so on. But this city continued to move on, it always has. The fact of the matter is, it just can not AFFORD to stop. Father came to my rescue, with a short trip. At least we both assume that this is 'rescue'. I just needed a break, he dropped in. And his interventions has always given me happiness. He is leaving today and as I write, I am quite melancholic. Even though this is his second visit in 3 months, just can't get enough of him. Fathers are like that, supermen. My 8-year stay away from parents have not made any of us immune to that pain when...

7.5 years in Mumbai. 6.5 years at blog. 5.5 at work. And the sum of all right and wrong choices made in life stands at 28.5. While I want the span of the first three to go further, I want the last one to shrink. But life only moves in one direction: 'forward'. There is no 'pause' button to hold back and the 'stop' button is not under our control. The 'play' button is on auto-mode since birth. So all these tells us that there is no break, until the final one. When I came to Mumbai, my life was wandering in many directions. The priorities were slightly different. Today, there are still directions and priorities, but the definition of terms itself has changed. The perspective of looking at life has taken many turns, while it has matured, it has become more restrictive as well. I seek answers, for I believe that asking right questions are so important. Else, we should not be repentant about the outcomes. I remained silent for the majority part of my...

It’s been a different life, different few months. Months that has changed quite a few things. People ask me to describe this phase; it gives them sheer pleasure to indulge in such quiz for they know any answer would excite them. Sometimes the no. of questions are infinite if you allow yourself. There has been more than one instances where I have had close acquaintances with few where each of them came with a conclusion written or decided in between. Had my share of luck, love & happiness long way back, for quite a long time. Somewhere I couldn't muster the courage, interest & invest time for something ‘that’ serious after that era was over. I could not seize certain moments, I could not take that one extra step, I could not let go of my inhibitions. But past is past, no looking back, no regrets. But I have lived a lifetime with nostalgia. It is something that moves with me, it’s something I live with. I love it & hate it. All at the same time. Deep inside, there...

10 Days: I remember myself teasing my younger brother in the years of growing up. He never liked it, infact hated it. But I used to feel so great when he was irritated. As we grew up and stopped fighting over the cake Mom makes at home, I realize that I shared the closest bond during the 'teasing phase'. Today, when I sit with him to watch Bigg Boss to de-stress over watching nonsense by the in-mates in the show, I realize my fights with him were far more better :P I don't pull his cheek anymore, instead his leg. Sometimes he likes it, sometimes he does not. But with 10 more days to go, I believe I might miss all those days, fights and moments even more. And yes, who is going to bat first post school hours was a life-altering decision at one point. 9 Days: When I used to visit my maternal grandparents during my school holidays, I used to be quite ecstatic about it. Not just because I loved the city they used to stay, the locales or the big buildings there, but prim...

Maa Maa kehti thi ki jab bhi dar lage toh ghar aajana, Baba kehte the ladna apne dar se, kabhi haar na maan na. Mujhe raahat  mili toh sirf Maa ke us aanchal mein, Baar baar chhupta raha, hazaar baar roya bhi wahan. Aur har ek baar sukoon mila mujhe, woh Maa nahi ek alag hi duniya thi. Abhi  bhi sochta hoon, dhoondta bhi hoon, kabhi rona aaye toh sirf yeh soch kar aansoon behte hain, Ki kya Maa itni door hai ya mein khudse. Tum Mujhe faasla pasand nahi tha kabhi, mazboori thi jo usko paal rahi thi, Tum gaye toh aise gaye, mein abhi bhi lad raha hoon un raaston se. Wapas toh nahi la sakta, woh beete hue lamhein, Mod nahi sakta, woh gujre hue pal, Lekin yaad karke hans toh sakta hoon, un haseen lamhon par, tumhare un waadon par, Woh har ek baat par jo hamne saath mein kahi thi. Aur apne aap par. Kab se dhoondh raha khud ko, milta hi nahin hoon, Aisa lagta hai main chhipa nahin, laapata hoon. Ek Packet Ummeed Kabhi kabhi yeh sochke h...

They say marriages are made in heaven! But nobody ever thought where divorces came from! I have seen and been with many girls in my life, each having their individual place in my heart. They all have their unique identities. And I have been transparent enough with each of them about the feelings I share. The best part is they know each other; it has been only possible when you are true to yourself and with the person in front. Life has moved on a lot since my first love. Loved many, few loved me back…. But today I still stand officially single. With no instant plans to get into the marriage-thing. I love being a single; it has got its own benefits and drawbacks as well. Finding love, being in love and marrying are three different things, realized it later, but a good realization. I met different people at different stages of my life. Each came with their priorities, preferences and expectations. They are still there, quite in touch. They have been a part of my life and wil...

I do this. I do that. I do so many things. I have moved on. So far. So long. Still every morning makes me believe I am behind. I am chasing. Actually, the families people like me come from, are meant to chase. Studies, career, money, growth, happiness and then die. We have an in-built fear to think beyond. Fear of failure. The pressure of society. The unfinished quest of success. The trouble of identity crisis. The madness of claiming victory. The heroics of grabbing a bigger pie of accomplishment. Pain of the distance of near ones, bitterness of the lost opportunities and hope of a better tomorrow.  Then these unpredictable rains. Those late night hours. And some unforgettable moments goes off in a whisker. The melancholic evenings - on things which could have been done better, for people who could have stayed back, for those days spent on having roadside delicacies, thinking how Mom has always made me believe that every stranger has some motive to come near you. Oh God!...

I have lived a life with so many colours that it keeps me grounded. I've always remained grounded. So grounded that couldn't help my sibling get a job, being in a profession where I design seductive CTCs and sometimes take more than a dozen interviews a day. I failed to help him, that's the bottom line. Period. And I talk about my network, feeling so proud of them. More than ever. Tell you what, life is on such a fast ride that I have just become a puppet in its hands. My objectives have become - getting a seat in the 9:10 local (else screw your a** standing for an hour, wonder how some morons sit till the train literally stops at CST), reaching my workstation by 10 AM (where 'sometimes' the no. of hours you spend in front of the PC is directly proportional to the percentage hike in March), call a bunch of morons as colleagues without a choice, then catch a train from THE most busiest station with humidity touching atleast 90% day in and day out, then reach home to...

When you are in your early teens, you feel like doing wonders in your life. All larger-than-life dreams floating around. A late teenager adds and subtracts some colours in those dreams. Then comes the phase of early twenties where you feel that it’s time to get serious about life. Actually all these phases were more or less hallucinations till you close in and cross 25. Then you have the fire to do something worth, instead of the regular dreams that everyone has. I have more or less gone through all these phases and ended up leaving my home and coming to a distant place to pursue my management studies, which in turn made me understand that life is also about a lot of such dreams which actually makes some sense. NAB, Worli, Mumbai N I started my first job with a lot of pre-conceived notions that I had with me during my MBA. It all started fading with each passing day and I started understanding that it is pretty easy to seat in an air-conditioned room and discuss with all the...