Subhajit

अपनी मंज़िल पे पहुँचना भी खड़े रहना भी , कितना मुश्किल है बड़े हो के बड़े रहना भी   - शकील आज़मी A last goodbye is always required. Yet the final goodbye is not easy. This dilemma is eternal. How much ever time you spend with someone, it falls short when they depart. You wish you could have spent some more time with them, you could have told them more about your dreams in life, listen some more stories from them. We might have spent years with them, yet the departures are difficult. You may term it as bonding, relationships and what not. The fact is, deep inside us, we are all attached to someone, to something. Whether we accept or not, humans are weak, much more than they think are. It has been 10 years I have been staying far from parents. They have come to this karmabhoomi of mine umpteen number of times, but each time they pack their bags I break from inside, many times over. I told myself that now I have grown up and should not break down anymore,...

3 rd March, 2014 So here I start today, noting down my countdown. It was like a voyage on a spaceship. You get pretty nervous while getting aboard, then you reach a land you have never been. And when you get back, you know you may never be able to get back there ever. I plan to write more as days will progress, but I will write that one defining feeling which will always summarize my stay in this city: When I was preparing to come to this city, I was not so happy and it became unbearable when I had to. And the first few months were so very difficult. I thought I can never survive. But little did I realize that a day will come when I will feel equally bad (or may be more than that) when I leave this city to go to my birthplace. That’s how insane & addictive this city can be. 21 st March, 2014 I have not been able to write down anything since 2 weeks or so on my thoughts. But there has not been a single day without thinking about it. Each day brings in millions of thought...

I speak my mind. I hate pseudo-intellects. Oh God, they are everywhere. All around. They strangulate me. I am counting my share of oxygen. I had one-fourth promise of staying with you. But who belonged to whom? Nothing is permanent. Expectations reduces joy. They are temporary. We have put a price tag for everything in life. The price of life has become nothing. The sweet nothings describes you. You all define me. The definition is subjective. Every subject is hapless at the hands of administrators today. Helplessness, many times, ignited movements. Movements are what we get inspired from. Inspiration is what we long for, inspiration is what we want to be. Longing has been a key element of my survival. Elements of hope, nostalgia is what makes me stay grounded. I seek contentment. I find it costly which I can not afford. Expectations are permanent, disappointments are temporary. I write my life. I describe events. Words are healing. All scars are mine. I am proud of them. I cry for pe...

7.5 years in Mumbai. 6.5 years at blog. 5.5 at work. And the sum of all right and wrong choices made in life stands at 28.5. While I want the span of the first three to go further, I want the last one to shrink. But life only moves in one direction: 'forward'. There is no 'pause' button to hold back and the 'stop' button is not under our control. The 'play' button is on auto-mode since birth. So all these tells us that there is no break, until the final one. When I came to Mumbai, my life was wandering in many directions. The priorities were slightly different. Today, there are still directions and priorities, but the definition of terms itself has changed. The perspective of looking at life has taken many turns, while it has matured, it has become more restrictive as well. I seek answers, for I believe that asking right questions are so important. Else, we should not be repentant about the outcomes. I remained silent for the majority part of my...

It’s been a different life, different few months. Months that has changed quite a few things. People ask me to describe this phase; it gives them sheer pleasure to indulge in such quiz for they know any answer would excite them. Sometimes the no. of questions are infinite if you allow yourself. There has been more than one instances where I have had close acquaintances with few where each of them came with a conclusion written or decided in between. Had my share of luck, love & happiness long way back, for quite a long time. Somewhere I couldn't muster the courage, interest & invest time for something ‘that’ serious after that era was over. I could not seize certain moments, I could not take that one extra step, I could not let go of my inhibitions. But past is past, no looking back, no regrets. But I have lived a lifetime with nostalgia. It is something that moves with me, it’s something I live with. I love it & hate it. All at the same time. Deep inside, there...

Maa Maa kehti thi ki jab bhi dar lage toh ghar aajana, Baba kehte the ladna apne dar se, kabhi haar na maan na. Mujhe raahat  mili toh sirf Maa ke us aanchal mein, Baar baar chhupta raha, hazaar baar roya bhi wahan. Aur har ek baar sukoon mila mujhe, woh Maa nahi ek alag hi duniya thi. Abhi  bhi sochta hoon, dhoondta bhi hoon, kabhi rona aaye toh sirf yeh soch kar aansoon behte hain, Ki kya Maa itni door hai ya mein khudse. Tum Mujhe faasla pasand nahi tha kabhi, mazboori thi jo usko paal rahi thi, Tum gaye toh aise gaye, mein abhi bhi lad raha hoon un raaston se. Wapas toh nahi la sakta, woh beete hue lamhein, Mod nahi sakta, woh gujre hue pal, Lekin yaad karke hans toh sakta hoon, un haseen lamhon par, tumhare un waadon par, Woh har ek baat par jo hamne saath mein kahi thi. Aur apne aap par. Kab se dhoondh raha khud ko, milta hi nahin hoon, Aisa lagta hai main chhipa nahin, laapata hoon. Ek Packet Ummeed Kabhi kabhi yeh sochke h...

I've found majority of things ever written about love to be so untrue. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinarily wrong thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, because I always believed it’s a start of a journey. I suppose, I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for a day or night! And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, who fall in love alone? I am the vict...

I do this. I do that. I do so many things. I have moved on. So far. So long. Still every morning makes me believe I am behind. I am chasing. Actually, the families people like me come from, are meant to chase. Studies, career, money, growth, happiness and then die. We have an in-built fear to think beyond. Fear of failure. The pressure of society. The unfinished quest of success. The trouble of identity crisis. The madness of claiming victory. The heroics of grabbing a bigger pie of accomplishment. Pain of the distance of near ones, bitterness of the lost opportunities and hope of a better tomorrow.  Then these unpredictable rains. Those late night hours. And some unforgettable moments goes off in a whisker. The melancholic evenings - on things which could have been done better, for people who could have stayed back, for those days spent on having roadside delicacies, thinking how Mom has always made me believe that every stranger has some motive to come near you. Oh God!...

Sab ka khushi se faasla ek kadam hai, har ghar mein bas ek hi kamra kam hai... Early teen age is not a good time to take important calls in life. Added to that, a bunch of crazy morons surrounding you with all sorts of inputs. To this mix, you add doting parents. And then a critical phase of studies. In between all these, the ever increasing love for the newly arrived MP3s n video games. With the freedom of getting into college and getting rid of the regular uniforms, the heart was pumping than the required speed. This early teen age you know! Now leave all these. Enters a damsel! Year 1 and 2... Kya kehke gaya tha shayar woh sayana, aag ka dariya doobke jaana... Now what... Nothing, the game's over! They say enter a girl and your life will never be the same again. The guy never believed it, still don't too. But his results for next couple of years supported the argument. Studies were at an all time low, parents were big time upset, neighbors were at their s...