Subhajit

There is this person who always told me how she loves my words more than me. She has always maintained it. Never changed her stand. I tried persuading her all throughout. Catherine is one stubborn yet sincere reader of my irrelevant work. But each time she says that she loves my words more than me, I honestly feel jealous of my words. I felt I need to crosscheck with Aditya to find if I deserved some attention just like my words. He also declined to oblige my contribution to my words. I felt disowned. It was almost getting proved that my words were actually better than me. It was obvious on my part to feel restless and not so happy. I felt what should I be doing to be liked by people. It was hard to find a reason. It was equally difficult to find a better alternative to the 'words' either. In Marketing terminology, I almost went on to sell myself. It was of no use. I was falling behind in the race to my own words. My words were going ahead each time I wrote. I decided to...

Main shukra-guzaar hoon unn lamhon kaa, jinmein maine kuch aisa paaya, jo likh sakaa. Zehen mein aksar bahut kuch likhte rehta hoon, din-raat, subeh-shaam, aate-jatey, uthate-baithtey, har pal har dum, bas  jab bhi mauka mil jaaye. Par record kar nahin paaya, lekin jab bhi samay mila hai, iss blog ke madhyam se kuch kaha hai.  Likhne mein ek alag hi mazaa hai, jo shayad main kabhi bayaan na kar paoon, lekin itna kehna lazmi zaroor hoga ki yeh bada sukoon deta hai. Mujhko, meri rooh ko! Lambe-lambe din kaate hain, raatein bhi bahut si aur bahut tarah ki dekhi hain, jinmein kal ki koi assurance nahi thi. Bhagwan ko toh dekha nahin kabhi, haan par Maa-Baap hain, jinko uski darza deta hoon, aur likhta hoon. Khushi mein likhta hoon, akelepan mein kuch zyade hi khayaal panap-tey hain, lekin gham ki shyahi ka toh koi jawaab hi nahin, bahut kaam aayi yeh mere likhney mein. Likhna mazboori hai... Aur fitrat bhi! ---- Mumbai mein monsoon ko sehna ek achievement h...

Maa Maa kehti thi ki jab bhi dar lage toh ghar aajana, Baba kehte the ladna apne dar se, kabhi haar na maan na. Mujhe raahat  mili toh sirf Maa ke us aanchal mein, Baar baar chhupta raha, hazaar baar roya bhi wahan. Aur har ek baar sukoon mila mujhe, woh Maa nahi ek alag hi duniya thi. Abhi  bhi sochta hoon, dhoondta bhi hoon, kabhi rona aaye toh sirf yeh soch kar aansoon behte hain, Ki kya Maa itni door hai ya mein khudse. Tum Mujhe faasla pasand nahi tha kabhi, mazboori thi jo usko paal rahi thi, Tum gaye toh aise gaye, mein abhi bhi lad raha hoon un raaston se. Wapas toh nahi la sakta, woh beete hue lamhein, Mod nahi sakta, woh gujre hue pal, Lekin yaad karke hans toh sakta hoon, un haseen lamhon par, tumhare un waadon par, Woh har ek baat par jo hamne saath mein kahi thi. Aur apne aap par. Kab se dhoondh raha khud ko, milta hi nahin hoon, Aisa lagta hai main chhipa nahin, laapata hoon. Ek Packet Ummeed Kabhi kabhi yeh sochke h...

I  always thought that we all have got name attached to us for an unique identity. Well, I do understand that it also has got the love & affection (and what not!) of the parents. The exercise that has gone into it. The amount of time spent on finding & thinking about it. Then the process of shortlisting, final rounds of filtering and then zeroing in on ‘the’ one. We are so very meticulous in handling this particular exercise. B ut then starts the real humour, the moment we start calling a new born by the given (read ‘assigned’) name, people start moulding it their convenience. For example, a certain Rajeev becomes ‘Raj’ or ‘Raju’ or may be just ‘Ra’. By the time the same person becomes a complete grown up, he does not even care about the relevance of his name, forget about the effort (however nonsensical it is). And then it all boils down to the same old thing:  What’s there in a name! B ut all over the world, especially in our parts of it, we do not find the ...

I do this. I do that. I do so many things. I have moved on. So far. So long. Still every morning makes me believe I am behind. I am chasing. Actually, the families people like me come from, are meant to chase. Studies, career, money, growth, happiness and then die. We have an in-built fear to think beyond. Fear of failure. The pressure of society. The unfinished quest of success. The trouble of identity crisis. The madness of claiming victory. The heroics of grabbing a bigger pie of accomplishment. Pain of the distance of near ones, bitterness of the lost opportunities and hope of a better tomorrow.  Then these unpredictable rains. Those late night hours. And some unforgettable moments goes off in a whisker. The melancholic evenings - on things which could have been done better, for people who could have stayed back, for those days spent on having roadside delicacies, thinking how Mom has always made me believe that every stranger has some motive to come near you. Oh God!...

Sab ka khushi se faasla ek kadam hai, har ghar mein bas ek hi kamra kam hai... Early teen age is not a good time to take important calls in life. Added to that, a bunch of crazy morons surrounding you with all sorts of inputs. To this mix, you add doting parents. And then a critical phase of studies. In between all these, the ever increasing love for the newly arrived MP3s n video games. With the freedom of getting into college and getting rid of the regular uniforms, the heart was pumping than the required speed. This early teen age you know! Now leave all these. Enters a damsel! Year 1 and 2... Kya kehke gaya tha shayar woh sayana, aag ka dariya doobke jaana... Now what... Nothing, the game's over! They say enter a girl and your life will never be the same again. The guy never believed it, still don't too. But his results for next couple of years supported the argument. Studies were at an all time low, parents were big time upset, neighbors were at their s...

We accept it or not, but we do crib. It’s nothing but natural, as life is not the way we want it. so just like VVS Laxman saying why me each time he has been dropped from the Indian team, today, I also find myself saying why me. Though I always believed in the theory of ‘moving on’ with life after each setback one faces, I have to accept that there are few things that are going to remain with you still you exist. Nothing wrong, but again if that comes in the way of a new life you want to start, then it’s a problem. What to do about it? Way back in 1998, I was shortlisted for a national level quiz competition with one of my partner when I was in 9 th standard, but could not get a call thanks to last minute schedu l e changes which did not allow us board the train. Reason: our school was not having a big profile. I studied science in 11 th & 12 th standard, it was not my choice, but my father had never thought anything beyond science stream. My score in 12 th has proven him wron...

When I look back and read my post http://dreamzrforever.blogspot.com/2009/01/oh-dear.html , I feel... this is me, so me. I want my closed ones to care for me, I don't want them to be overly caring; I want them to be always near me, I also do not want their too much of presence; I want someone who calls up at night to ask me whether I had my dinner or not, yet I don't want it everyday.... so on & on & on. Exactly what do I want? Do I even want anything, any damn thing? May be not. May be I do not deserve. I don't know. I am going mad. Whatever... I have this commitment-psychosis, thanks to my ever changing mood. And marriage. To fuel this thought in mind, not 1 but 3 of my cousins bros are getting married in next 3 months, while 1 got married last month. The entire family is happy as the boys are into the marriage-thing after a hiatus of close to 7 years. Even I was tired being a part from the bride's side for last 7 years. But being a part of baarati and being i...