Subhajit

अपनी मंज़िल पे पहुँचना भी खड़े रहना भी , कितना मुश्किल है बड़े हो के बड़े रहना भी   - शकील आज़मी A last goodbye is always required. Yet the final goodbye is not easy. This dilemma is eternal. How much ever time you spend with someone, it falls short when they depart. You wish you could have spent some more time with them, you could have told them more about your dreams in life, listen some more stories from them. We might have spent years with them, yet the departures are difficult. You may term it as bonding, relationships and what not. The fact is, deep inside us, we are all attached to someone, to something. Whether we accept or not, humans are weak, much more than they think are. It has been 10 years I have been staying far from parents. They have come to this karmabhoomi of mine umpteen number of times, but each time they pack their bags I break from inside, many times over. I told myself that now I have grown up and should not break down anymore,...

Do not get surprised or offended by such an outrageous title of the post. And if you do, then do not kill me. I normally keep opinions related to religion or spiritual beliefs to myself. I know eyebrows will be raised and I will be judged for my opinions. I neither have the energy nor the interest to defend my stand or my views to people who would just want to align my views with theirs. I used to be an atheist but tilted towards being an agnostic over the last few years. I am not exactly proud of being a Hindu or for that matter a Brahmin (no reservation quota, you know). While growing up, I was equally inclined to Islamic & Christianity and never could understand what differentiates ‘them’ from ‘us’. I remember asking my friends to know who created this differentiation. At that age, they didn’t have the answers nor did I. When I went to my parents, they only told me these are beliefs that are there since centuries and being a part of ‘this’ religion; we need to abide by it....

There is this person who always told me how she loves my words more than me. She has always maintained it. Never changed her stand. I tried persuading her all throughout. Catherine is one stubborn yet sincere reader of my irrelevant work. But each time she says that she loves my words more than me, I honestly feel jealous of my words. I felt I need to crosscheck with Aditya to find if I deserved some attention just like my words. He also declined to oblige my contribution to my words. I felt disowned. It was almost getting proved that my words were actually better than me. It was obvious on my part to feel restless and not so happy. I felt what should I be doing to be liked by people. It was hard to find a reason. It was equally difficult to find a better alternative to the 'words' either. In Marketing terminology, I almost went on to sell myself. It was of no use. I was falling behind in the race to my own words. My words were going ahead each time I wrote. I decided to...

I am not able to blog. Blog regularly. This used to be "my space". A space where I used to vent, shout & seek peace. I still want to do that. But I am not able to write. My reading habit too, is on a decline. I was doing so many thing when I was busy, now I am not able to do half of it with double the time in my hand. I am not able to meet my evenings, the ones which used to energise me. I am not able to sprint hundred yards to catch my next destination. Are things slow around? Yes they are, they will be. I was ready for this transition, but was not ready for people becoming unknown entities. May be I thought I am getting into a more real world, only to realise artificially has made its way deep into my old place. People have turned into something that I am not able to comprehend. My nights are stretching into oblivion. Are these my complaints? Am I unhappy? Who defines 'unhappiness' index? And what makes us 'happy' in real terms? I try to look at thing...

Emotionally, I am not that strong. I do not claim to be as well. But just when I do not want a particular phase of my life to turn emotional, it does. Then what! Complete screw up (I'm refraining from using extreme words here). Men and the theory of them not breaking down, they being super strong while getting emotionally trapped is all but myths. I am not only referring to me here, but discovered many such folks around who sulk alone while boasting of big things in public. In my research, it is the men who are most alone, they are the ones who need a company more than their female counterparts contrary to the common perception. Then why this facade in the outside? Life is how you define it. But then it also has its own tricks up its sleeves. You better be prepared for it. I never was and when I realised it, I realised it tough way. I struggled to meet people, I started searching for companions, I felt alone than ever before. Nostalgia is what I live in, but this sort of melanch...

(Image Courtesy : Blog at Wordpress) When I sit down to write, few times I have some abstract thoughts recollected from a local train or an auto ride or may be a second day of full moon. But rest of the times, it is just blank. The feeling of a blank mind does have two good reasons to drive me: it challenges my creative reservoir and it makes me feel like a no one. The second feeling is quite scary, more on that some other time. I received a copy of the newsletter from a bank that my f ather served for 35 years. And immediately glanced (almost proof-read it) at it thanks to my joblessness these days. And I was taken aback by the sheer amount of casual attitude towards a publication that represents a public sector bank. The layout was haywire, the editing was plain absent, the photographs are photo-shopped and looking artificial. I immediately remembered the two Newsletters that my team & I edited in my last organization. We used to take 3 different perspectives on the conten...

3 rd March, 2014 So here I start today, noting down my countdown. It was like a voyage on a spaceship. You get pretty nervous while getting aboard, then you reach a land you have never been. And when you get back, you know you may never be able to get back there ever. I plan to write more as days will progress, but I will write that one defining feeling which will always summarize my stay in this city: When I was preparing to come to this city, I was not so happy and it became unbearable when I had to. And the first few months were so very difficult. I thought I can never survive. But little did I realize that a day will come when I will feel equally bad (or may be more than that) when I leave this city to go to my birthplace. That’s how insane & addictive this city can be. 21 st March, 2014 I have not been able to write down anything since 2 weeks or so on my thoughts. But there has not been a single day without thinking about it. Each day brings in millions of thought...