Subhajit

Emotionally, I am not that strong. I do not claim to be as well. But just when I do not want a particular phase of my life to turn emotional, it does. Then what! Complete screw up (I'm refraining from using extreme words here). Men and the theory of them not breaking down, they being super strong while getting emotionally trapped is all but myths. I am not only referring to me here, but discovered many such folks around who sulk alone while boasting of big things in public. In my research, it is the men who are most alone, they are the ones who need a company more than their female counterparts contrary to the common perception. Then why this facade in the outside? Life is how you define it. But then it also has its own tricks up its sleeves. You better be prepared for it. I never was and when I realised it, I realised it tough way. I struggled to meet people, I started searching for companions, I felt alone than ever before. Nostalgia is what I live in, but this sort of melanch...

(Image Courtesy : Blog at Wordpress) When I sit down to write, few times I have some abstract thoughts recollected from a local train or an auto ride or may be a second day of full moon. But rest of the times, it is just blank. The feeling of a blank mind does have two good reasons to drive me: it challenges my creative reservoir and it makes me feel like a no one. The second feeling is quite scary, more on that some other time. I received a copy of the newsletter from a bank that my f ather served for 35 years. And immediately glanced (almost proof-read it) at it thanks to my joblessness these days. And I was taken aback by the sheer amount of casual attitude towards a publication that represents a public sector bank. The layout was haywire, the editing was plain absent, the photographs are photo-shopped and looking artificial. I immediately remembered the two Newsletters that my team & I edited in my last organization. We used to take 3 different perspectives on the conten...

3 rd March, 2014 So here I start today, noting down my countdown. It was like a voyage on a spaceship. You get pretty nervous while getting aboard, then you reach a land you have never been. And when you get back, you know you may never be able to get back there ever. I plan to write more as days will progress, but I will write that one defining feeling which will always summarize my stay in this city: When I was preparing to come to this city, I was not so happy and it became unbearable when I had to. And the first few months were so very difficult. I thought I can never survive. But little did I realize that a day will come when I will feel equally bad (or may be more than that) when I leave this city to go to my birthplace. That’s how insane & addictive this city can be. 21 st March, 2014 I have not been able to write down anything since 2 weeks or so on my thoughts. But there has not been a single day without thinking about it. Each day brings in millions of thought...

I have often been accused of being arrogant. Quite frankly, I never thought that about myself. But the ‘perceptions’ of people around you, about you, can be intimidating enough to feed into your personality, more than what you can imagine. During my graduation, most of my fellow batch mates thought that I am arrogant for I opted for an Honors subject, which was niche, and different from other typical subjects, in more than one way. Some even thought I d idn’t want to mingle around. To me it was a simple decision, as I didn't think that I was a fit in the Science stream, so I opted for the Arts & Humanities – subject of particular interest being ‘English literature’. MBA was no different. Some thought that I stay aloof because I am ‘Arrogant’, whereas I had been taking my time to adjust myself in a different city, around different people, and in a different culture as such. Eventually as time passed, I became comfortable and even created a small world for myself with a selected...

It feels good to be back here after 3 months. But it feels terrible not to have a specific topic to write. So, I will not force myself to come up with something artificial. And these days, the weather in Mumbai is so beautifully natural that I am trying not to do anything artificial throughout the day ;) It's cold, there are drizzles and there are cold windy evenings. What else one can ask for in a city known for its humidity levels. Last few weeks have been the best when it comes to my sleep, such weather provides quality sleeping and I am just not complaining. I have been doing so many things in last couple of months, both personally and professionally, that I am not able to keep a track of my priorities. But then, who all can I keep happy. So I am just moving from one day to the other keeping myself afloat. Spendings have shot up in recent months without any changes in the salary, that leaves me on the brink of being declared a bankrupt. But I like the idea, I want to be decl...

11 years is not a small time and when it comes to politics, it is really a long long time. Rivals change, so are the friends. But then all the national and regional parties in India are united in one thing: bashing Narendra Modi for what happened in 2002 . Yes, mistakes were made, some grave ones. But is Congress the right watchdog to raise the voice after the 1980 /Moradabad, 1984 /Bhiwandi, 1985 /Gujarat etc. during their rule. Here is a complete list of our disgusting achievements of past and how many riots have happened under their rule to make things clear.  But at the same time, the same Gujarat people have voted Mr. Modi back to power thrice (twice post riots). At the same time, Gujarat has developed the most under his leadership (I am not endorsing the over-hyped "Gujarat-Model"). At the same time, he has been garnering interest from a large portion of the country. Now all these amounts to a phobia that had caught on to the opposition party. And BJP knows i...

I speak my mind. I hate pseudo-intellects. Oh God, they are everywhere. All around. They strangulate me. I am counting my share of oxygen. I had one-fourth promise of staying with you. But who belonged to whom? Nothing is permanent. Expectations reduces joy. They are temporary. We have put a price tag for everything in life. The price of life has become nothing. The sweet nothings describes you. You all define me. The definition is subjective. Every subject is hapless at the hands of administrators today. Helplessness, many times, ignited movements. Movements are what we get inspired from. Inspiration is what we long for, inspiration is what we want to be. Longing has been a key element of my survival. Elements of hope, nostalgia is what makes me stay grounded. I seek contentment. I find it costly which I can not afford. Expectations are permanent, disappointments are temporary. I write my life. I describe events. Words are healing. All scars are mine. I am proud of them. I cry for pe...