Whatever...Kuchh Bhi...

When I look back and read my post http://dreamzrforever.blogspot.com/2009/01/oh-dear.html, I feel... this is me, so me. I want my closed ones to care for me, I don't want them to be overly caring; I want them to be always near me, I also do not want their too much of presence; I want someone who calls up at night to ask me whether I had my dinner or not, yet I don't want it everyday.... so on & on & on. Exactly what do I want? Do I even want anything, any damn thing? May be not. May be I do not deserve. I don't know. I am going mad. Whatever...

I have this commitment-psychosis, thanks to my ever changing mood. And marriage. To fuel this thought in mind, not 1 but 3 of my cousins bros are getting married in next 3 months, while 1 got married last month. The entire family is happy as the boys are into the marriage-thing after a hiatus of close to 7 years. Even I was tired being a part from the bride's side for last 7 years. But being a part of baarati and being in the hot seat on mandap are largely different things. I hate when people around me even talk about marriage, coz our discussions about marriage concludes at a dead-end. A point of no return. Whatever! And again, I ask the same old question: why do people get married? To have children, or for their parent's sake. One of my aunt was so concerned about my eating habits in Mumbai that she is always after me to get married, so that my wife will take care of the food. I mean, now I have to get married coz I'll have someone who can cook. Do I need to marry for that? I am paying my bai 1500 bucks to cook, and I am happy with the food. Whatever! I don't bother. Secondly, finding "the one" is pretty tough, as of now I think it's impossible. My friends say I am thinking too much and getting too much critical in my choice, but dear how can I just close my eyes if I have to take the biggest decision of my life? It's too damn hard. And the result: marriage plans are dropped indefinitely. Whatever!

I just had a self-analysis, and not surprisingly I found out that if I have to stay happy 'from inside' more than 15 days a month, then I better stay single. That sounds weird, but for me, as of now, this holds true. May be my theories suck, may be I am sounding stupid, but I am confused. May be tired. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I am already over-using the term 'whatever' today... thanks to my blank mind...Whatever mind... Kuchh bhi mind...